Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
