Do you still have your period?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
