Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
