Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
