im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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