Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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