So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
