are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
