3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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