I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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