THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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