Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
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your like the ambassador to my penis.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
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I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it