I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
