Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.

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  (513): the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust. http://tfl.nu/fcbh
  Replies (21) Good night (601) Bad night (5809)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from

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  (973): my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from http://tfl.nu/ptif
  Replies (69) Good night (7631) Bad night (949)
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  (650): View more from California

  I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.

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  (650): I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats. http://tfl.nu/rm40
  Replies (42) Good night (14257) Bad night (914)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.

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  (269): My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow. http://tfl.nu/11lx
  Replies (12) Good night (3753) Bad night (1153)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral

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  (410): it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral http://tfl.nu/q6za
  Replies (2) Good night (758) Bad night (2362)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There is a pube in my fucking eyeball

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  (505): There is a pube in my fucking eyeball http://tfl.nu/0eb2
  Replies (15) Good night (914) Bad night (5203)
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  (916): View more from California

  whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door

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  (916): whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door http://tfl.nu/x1rj
  Replies (8) Good night (1142) Bad night (2089)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark

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  (302): the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark http://tfl.nu/i1gh
  Replies (5) Good night (1676) Bad night (712)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee

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  (613): just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee http://tfl.nu/8pkh
  Replies (20) Good night (1811) Bad night (842)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow

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  (304): Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow http://tfl.nu/l8ph
  Replies (10) Good night (3992) Bad night (673)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"

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  (201): You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth" http://tfl.nu/kxgj
  Replies (5) Good night (1294) Bad night (460)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.

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  (952): Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me. http://tfl.nu/gmmg
  Replies (3) Good night (417) Bad night (1245)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.

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  (228): Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well. http://tfl.nu/vvbh
  Replies (10) Good night (1170) Bad night (465)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  My booty call just moved 2 min from my house

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  This has pregnancy written all over it

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  (513): My booty call just moved 2 min from my house (1-513): This has pregnancy written all over it http://tfl.nu/2h6m
  Replies (1) Good night (1555) Bad night (485)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year

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  (253): I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year http://tfl.nu/c4bo
  Replies (2) Good night (404) Bad night (321)

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