I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend