he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
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Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila