She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
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no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
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we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?