I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT