Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!