GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I need a beard to bite.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
