How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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