I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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