I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize