I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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