Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
