i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
