I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
