I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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