I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
