So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
