i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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