why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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