Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
