I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
