he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Randomize
