Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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