marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Pants are for mortals
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
