Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
