Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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