I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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