I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm like, not good at living.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
