Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize