And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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