No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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