It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
