I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
