PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
