Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
