Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
