Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
