hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
