the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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