I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
