we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
