True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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