We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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