Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
