Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
