I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
