I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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