just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
