i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
