Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
