mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
