you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
