Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
