Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize