physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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