Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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