Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
