Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
