if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
