I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
