I hope mine doesn't look like that
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
